Why Social Media is Stealing Your Life and How to Take It Back

I’m from a generation that remembers life before social media, back when phones were just for calls and texts, not for endlessly scrolling through feeds. I spent my childhood outdoors, riding bikes, and creating memories, free from the distractions that smartphones now impose. These days, kids are glued to their screens, losing out on real, present experiences, while society has cultivated a culture of device addiction, fueled by the constant need for validation. We’ve become a generation conditioned to seek approval through likes, shares, and comments, letting our self-worth be measured by how many people approve of us online.

This constant validation-seeking behavior can have a profound impact on our confidence. Social media platforms thrive on the concept of instant gratification, giving us an immediate rush of approval when we post something that resonates with others. But that rush is fleeting, and soon we’re left wanting more, always chasing the next hit of validation. The problem is, this external validation becomes a substitute for internal confidence. We start to rely on others' opinions to define our sense of self-worth, and as soon as we don’t get the attention or recognition we expect, our confidence takes a hit. Instead of learning to feel good about ourselves from within, we look outward to feel validated.

Over time, this cycle erodes our confidence because it’s rooted in something that’s unpredictable and out of our control. No matter how many times we try to find that external affirmation, it’s never enough, and it can lead to feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, and even anxiety. The more we seek validation from our devices, the less we build genuine self-confidence, the kind that doesn’t need a social media feed to feel real. It's a vicious cycle that, for many, is difficult to break, but it's essential to recognize that true confidence comes from within—not from the number of likes on a post or the followers we accumulate.

I too fell into the trap of social media, believing it was essential to keeping up with the modern world. At first, it was a way to connect, but soon it became a compulsive cycle of creating content and endlessly scrolling through others' posts. It was as if my self-worth was tied to how many likes or comments I received, and my value as a person felt validated by the number of followers I had. I couldn’t help but ask myself, "What’s the point of doing something if it’s not shared online for everyone to see?" This mindset left me questioning my real-life moments—were they significant if they weren’t documented and posted for others to see?

It wasn’t until I read Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport that everything clicked. Newport challenged the way I saw social media, and I realized just how shallow and isolating it had become. The more I engaged, the more I withdrew from authentic, in-person connections. Social media promised connection, but in reality, it created a sense of loneliness and disconnection. The term “social media” itself became an oxymoron to me—what’s truly social about spending hours scrolling, isolated, staring at a screen, while the world and the people around me go unnoticed? True socializing doesn’t happen through a device—it happens face-to-face, in real-time, when we are fully present with one another. Social media had given me the illusion of connection, but it was hollow and, ultimately, unfulfilling. This realization made me question what I was actually gaining from my online interactions and how much of it was detracting from the rich, deep connections that can only happen in the real world.

I’m not saying you should quit social media altogether—if it serves you, that’s fine. Many people use it for connection, learning, or sharing their passions, and it can be a great tool when used intentionally. The problem arises when we start to use it as a substitute for genuine, real-life interactions. Social media was designed to keep us hooked, to make us feel like we’re connected to others, but in reality, it often does the opposite. It promotes isolation by making us feel like we’re engaged when, in fact, we’re just passively consuming content and comparing ourselves to others. This can leave us feeling disconnected, inadequate, or even lonely, despite being surrounded by the illusion of constant connection.

These platforms also encourage constant comparison, where we measure our lives against curated versions of others’ highlights. We see the filtered photos, the “perfect” vacations, and the accomplishments that seem to outshine our own. This fosters a sense of inadequacy and a constant desire to keep up, leading to unhealthy consumption of content that doesn’t truly serve us. It’s easy to get lost in the scroll, wasting hours of precious time that could be spent connecting with people face-to-face, working on personal growth, or pursuing passions that truly fulfill us.

The bottom line is that social media can be valuable, but we need to recognize it for what it is: a tool, not a replacement for meaningful human connection. When used intentionally, it can enhance our lives and broaden our perspectives, but it shouldn’t dictate how we measure our worth or how we spend our time. It’s time to take control, set boundaries, and stop letting these platforms consume us. We need to make more room for authentic experiences in the real world—moments that nourish our souls and cultivate genuine connections that last. The choice is ours to stop living passively and start living with more intention.

If this resonates with you and you're ready to take control of your life, live more intentionally, and break free from the grip of social media, my new book Wake Up and Smell the Coffee is for you. In it, I dive deeper into how we can shift from mindlessly scrolling through life to being fully present and in control of our own narrative. It’s time to stop letting external influences dictate our happiness and start following our own path with purpose. Grab a copy of my book, and let’s embark on this journey together—toward a life filled with intention, connection, and true fulfillment.